‘Tis the season to be committing crimes against tastefulness! Need help accessorising your car for Christmas? We’ve got your back. And your dashboard. And your glove compartment.
Obviously we’d all rather be driving a sleigh down the slopes of Lapland, rather than a rust-bucket down the gridlocked M1, but one must seek other ways to scratch that festive itch until the next ice age comes. Here are 11 products that say “I LOVE CARS AND I LOVE CHRISTMAS AND I DON’T CARE WHO KNOWS IT.”
11. Mind-bending Festive Air Freshener, £5.19
The real question is: how did you ever live without a car air freshener that smells like a candle that smells like a Christmas cookie? (We never said this was going to be an easy ride.)
Christmas Car Kudos: 3/10
Buy yours here, if you want the headache to go on forever.
10. Themed Arial Topper, £4.00
Santa may not be real – but at least his effigy can help prevent you from poking your eye out on your car’s metal protrusions.
Christmas Car Kudos: 5/10
Get it here, before you do yourself some ophthalmological damage.
Here we have one rule, and one rule only: DON’T HOLD BACK. Tinsel round your rearview mirror might even have the bonus side effect of making the person tailgating you seem less annoying.
Christmas Car Kudos: 6/10
8. Reindeer Car Costume, £7.49
Most cars suffer an identity crisis around this time of year. (We blame the Coca Cola ads.) What better way to show some love and unleash your trusty steed’s inner reindeer?
Christmas Car Kudos: 9/10
Click here to commence the camouflage.
7. Plug-In Car Christmas Tree, £7.50
Naff? Who are you calling naff?? Take that back immediately.
Christmas Car Kudos: 10/10 (no arguments)
It’s definitely not naff. You’ll see.
6. Snowflake Stickers, £10.79
If only real snow was this beautiful. And as unlikely to cause a week’s worth of gridlock and closed airports.
Christmas Car Kudos: 7/10
These classy beauties are but one click away.
5. Snow Spray, £10.22
A festive dashboard isn’t a festive dashboard without a dusting of the good stuff. Spray it liberally wherever the whim takes you, to match the snowflake stickers. Probably only worth buying if you have an army of oppressed elves to clean it up afterwards.
Christmas Car Kudos: 4/10
Get sticky with it here.
4. Battery-Operated LED Lights, £3.55
The Cinderella act. Every chariot deserves to moonlight as Santa’s Grotto. (Do not, repeat, DO NOT put these anywhere distracting within your line of vision. How about the glove compartment? Glove compartments are tragically neglected at this time of year.)
Christmas Car Kudos: 2/10
Yours for the having, yonder.
3. Holly Window Stickers, £1.69
Who sees holly bushes in the flesh these days anyway. (Seriously, has anyone seen any actual holly lately?)
Car Christmas Kudos: 8/10
Fancy adorning your pride and joy with holly stickers? Course you do.
2. Reindeer Danglers, £3.59 each
These are just too cute. Hang them from anything (EVERYTHING) in your car that sticks out. If your car is ultra minimal and has nothing sticking out, human ears will suffice.
Christmas Car Kudos: 9/10
Come hither to acquire your own fleet of Prancers and Vixens.
1. Fake Mistletoe, £4.36
Gather a couple of single friends in the backseats of your vehicle and give them the gift they REALLY want this year: true love. Or try out your very own moves on the unsuspecting person in the passenger seat.
Christmas Car Kudos: 10/10
Make someone’s dream come true here.
Total cost: £55.15. Commuting in yuletide splendour: priceless.
Of course, you could always rent out your driveway when you’re not using it to earn back some of the dollar, or save some money elsewhere by pre-booking parking instead of paying extortionate on-the-day fees. But let’s not talk about that. It’s nowhere near as fun.
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